For All the Marbles ...

Patched things up with the girlfriend today. It has been 11 days or longer that we have been fighting and I'm glad it's finally over. It went through a rocky beginning today but we've managed to pull through all the idiocy that one can manage to emit. In the end, I'm just glad that we're working through this, like we should've been from the beginning ... but who am I to complain? We were able to escape from each others' violent grasps with nothing more than bumps and bruises and, thankfully, no broken hearts ... not permanent ones, anyway. Let the healing process begin.

Never Learn

I've done it for years and I still continue to do it.
You give me a little bit of a high and
I hold on to it like my life depends on it.
Hoping one day your side of the bargain
is as full as my hopes for it to happen.

Bitter

Not really myself as of late due to the results of recent developments of both myself and personal relationships, and I've found myself to become quite bitter because of them. Sorry to those that had to witness it first hand, but sometimes I just can't help it and lately it has gotten excruciatingly hard to handle as of late. And I'm not sure I can do it anymore...

It's Over...

All of it ... it's all over.

Everything we did, all the effort we put into it

Is gone.

Recuperation seems bleak.

But that's life...

Road Block

Some new developments in the relationship as of late. I really don't understand why most of these things happen, but bad things always seem to creep up in the most unusual times and places. I really would not like to disclose any personal information at this time, but the girlfriend and I just recently got out of a pretty nasty argument that, in many other relationships, would be a deal breaker ... but not us. There have been some pretty intense events happen over the course of our 31-month adventure, some that have been able to shake us enough to lose hope, but it has become obvious that everything that happened has only made us stronger. With that in mind, the biggest test is yet to come ... and I can't wait to see how we're going to handle it. However it happens, we'll take care of it together and you can take that to the bank.

Off-topic: I never really understood what that meant ... "take that to the bank" ... maybe it has some kind of analogy to the fact that you can expect it to be there when you need it, like money in the bank. Meh, whatevs...I'm too tired to think about it at the moment, especially after today's happenings. Well, have a good night. Later days!

Dare pt.3 - Day 1

So, after challenging me again on Tuesday night to the same dare, Michelle ended up calling me again last night...and after admitting defeat she issued another challenge! Actually, the same challenge! This girl just won't give up, at least, not entirely. It would always be like this:

Michelle: "Hi! I know I'm calling, but I miss you soo much!"
Jordan: "HEY! You called! I win! Yay!"
M: "You don't miss me?"
J: "I do miss you, but I still win!"
M: "You know what? The dare is still ON!"
J: "Fine, talk to you on Friday!"
*hangs up after the usual goodbye routine*
(I love that routine =D)

I have a feeling that a call may be heading my way tonight, and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened either. After all, I'm not the needy one anymore, huh sweetie? lol =P

---

In the library doing some DCN455 work and, honestly...there's so much to know. Just got through CSMA/CD and MAC protocols last week, going through the OSI Network layer in detail this week...eugh, so much to do. I'll need to get a crap load of studying done tonight if I'm going to be seeing Michelle tomorrow. Yayy...late night studying...

(note to self: sarcasm is hard to portray through text.)

Dare pt.2 - Day 1

Soo Michelle lost the dare yesterday, and I'm announcing it to the world/whoever reads this blog. After my victory dance and some gloating, she retaliated and convinced me that we are going to revive this dare until Friday ... and I say "bring it on!". So I've been thinking...what should I choose as my reward? Make her perform an embarrassing public act? Or maybe make her pay for all of our dates in 2010? Or take me to a raptors game with awesome tickets? I'm undecided! But sweetie, since I know you're reading this...expect something drastic.

p.s. I still love you, but I won biatch! lol mwah (=

Dare - Day 3 cheap shot

The official beginning of day 3 of the dare between me and Michelle and I already contemplated surprising her at work today for lunch. That would be a really bad idea, considering she would have to take an early lunch, and I would've lost the bet! So that isn't happening anytime soon lulz. My arms and chest are beginning to have some slight aches from yesterday's workout, and it's honestly making me really lazy. Right now I just feel like falling asleep somewhere in the library and not waking up until class starts later. Crap...I just remembered I have a test in that class. To study or not to study...

Random thoughts: Why would Michelle want to impose such a scenario upon our relationship? I mean, it's not exactly at it's best right now...but I guess the time apart is supposed to have some kind of effect on our individuality, though it really hasn't sparked any new things for me except for the fact that I've been able to get a bit more studying done over the past couple of nights. Also, this dare isn't really all that fun or competitive unless I can talk smack about it to her, which is honestly one of the best aspects of our relationship.

I was also able to get something for her that she will love (I hope you're reading this, sweetie), something that she will not be able to find out about until Friday unless she calls, emails or texts me. Cheap shot, I know...but let's see if she can hold out. Now, I won't know if she reads this until I see her on Friday, but it's worth a shot. Who ever said we were supposed to play nicely? As Michelle says, "Don't play with the big dogs unless you can bark." ... and bark, I shall.

Dare - Day 2

Day 2 of the ongoing dare between Michelle and I went quite well. Worked out and played some basketball at the school gym today for roughly 3 hours. Did chest and arms today, and, surprisingly, they don't hurt at the moment. Finished at around 1:30 then went to class, finished the lab when I got home, and then was studying for my NAT150 test tomorrow.
Some random thoughts: Raptors lost. Too bad. I'm really missing Michelle right now, I hate not having her in any part of my day. But I'm determined to win this bet/dare no matter how hard it is going to be. It's only a week anyway, how hard can it be, right? ...I have a feeling I'm going to be eating my words pretty soon.

Dare - Day 1

So Michelle and I have this on-going bet/dare that I can't go from today (since 12 p.m.) until Friday when I see her without calling/emailing/texting/facebooking her. So I said she must do the same thing, and we're going to see how things hold up. Never have we not talked for such a projected period of time, so this is going to be interesting. I got my fingers crossed hoping I get an assignment, labs, or any kind of school work to keep myself occupied.

On a side note, Raptors are looking pretty solid. I think mid-December is when things are really going to begin to mesh, and they're going to end up with a 45-win season. Go Raps!

post-workout day body aches

Wow. This feeling is amazing! After probably a week of being stagnant during reading week not working out and finally doing some full body stuff, it's safe to say that this feeling was missed! On top of that, I spent six whole hours on the bus yesterday (seven if I include my ride home from school), two of them with my special nummie, so I haven't really had much time to rest my body other than the sleep I got last night. But I would gladly do it again because she makes me feel super-awesomely-special inside.

Anyway, here's an update since beginning my workout in September:
September: 175 lbs.
Last Night: 158 lbs.
Gains: 1/2 inch biceps, 1 inch chest, and one hell of a jump shot
Losses: 1 inch waist, 17 lbs.

Thanks to my nummie for supporting me throughout all of it. I love you so much. But I ain't done yet...

Officially Hate Blogger for iPhone

I officially hate this application. Sure it's a good application for posting blogs and whatnot, but when I was writing one of my blogs earlier and then turned over my iPhone so that it switches keyboard outlines, it erased everything I had written without attempting to even save anything as a draft. Complete bullshit! At least ther was a lesson learned in this little mishap...start paying for apps!

curse my cheapness...

Boredom

My whole family is out, and I'm stuck at home.
It's reading week and I have nothing to read.
Basketball season started and Raptors NBA TV is only broadcasting one game over and over ... and over.
(I think I may have watched the game in completion close to 3 times already)
Currently listening to Gabe Bondoc's "Gentlemen EP"...great cd.
Just received a newsletter from Canada Computers...nothing interesting.
The only thing left to do is shower...sleep...
or go on Facebook.
I think I'll go with the former two.

I miss Michelle...

Change of Location

old room...new room

same attributes, different inhabitant

and it's all to myself.

A state of concern

Recently, I have been wondering what my motives are, why I do or think about certain things. It has come to my attention that I've had several thoughts that I am not proud of, and not once did I stop to think about why I could possibly be having these thoughts...until recently. I realized that these thoughts didn't come by my own will, but rather a combination of something I'm missing in life and possibly something I thought I could live without, but apparently that isn't the case. I've had several ideas of how to fulfill this void spot in my life, but none that could possibly fill it entirely. Although, the thought that I may be kidding myself does exist...but there's no knowing until it happens. If there's anything I need, it will be luck.

Differences

I just want to let you know that

you're still the person I fell in love with,

and now I feel that, sometimes,

I may or may not be the same person

that fell in love with you.

Recovering

Took the day off from school today due to an illness I seem to have contracted on Saturday night. It seemed like I recovered from it on Monday but after a couple days it came back with full force. Symptoms included: stuffy/runny nose, congestion, slight fever, body/muscle aches, and on-and-off dizziness. Sounds like influenza to me, and hopefully not H1N1...otherwise I'm toast! Not likely, though. Anyway, I literally didn't do anything today...nothing productive, at least. Mostly slept (which was awesome, minus the trouble breathing part), watched TV, surfed the web, and ate. At least I'm recovering now, and I'd say I'm close to 65% better than I was yesterday. Pretty impressive from one day of rest, imo.

All the while I've just been missing Michelle, and with all the spare time I had today I really couldn't think of anything (or anyone) else. It's hard not seeing her for weeks at a time, especially because of how close we've become over the years (2.5 on Sunday to be exact). But I accept it because I have a feeling we'll be there for each other when school is finished, when we've started out in the working world, and it will be great...that's just one of the things that keeps me motivated. Regardless, I miss her like crazy! If I wasn't sick, I would visit her at work tomorrow all the way at Humber College. A solid two-hour (one-way) commute on the local transit, just to spend time with her during her lunch hour. She makes me happy enough to make me want to travel for 4 hours just to see her for 1; another thing that keeps me motivated. And the most believable part about it is that...she's worth it.

feeling overmedicated

Woke up today feeling a hangover of the sickness I had a couple of days ago, so I went downstairs and took a couple of DayQuil and some 1000mg Vitamin C tablets. Good news is I'm feeling better! Bad news is I'm feeling a tad overmedicated and it sucks because I wanted to play basketball and workout today. Looks like I still am but without the presence of my workout buddy, Sam. There's some calorie burning to be had!

Today is also Customer Appreciation Day for the YRT/VIVA. Free pens/muffins/hot chocolate/coffee anyone?

Mariana's Trench concert = awesome!

So Michelle and I went to the Mariana's Trench concert on Saturday (October 10), and all the reviews I ever read about their concerts were right down to the T! They are amazing performers and need to become more recognized. On the other hand, I'm nursing some kind of cold/sinus infection that I seem to have contracted the night of the concert or during that same day. Either way, I've been bed ridden and did close to nothing all day except for sleeping, eating, and NOT taking my daily shower. Needless to say, I feel like crap.

Here's my favourite picture from Saturday night. Check out my Facebook to view the rest. Cheers!

love is an understatement

those four letters can't describe entirely how I feel for this woman.

as if no amount of words can do my emotions the justice they deserve.

forget the idea that "if you can't explain it, it doesn't exist"; I love you.

sometimes I feel I don't tell you that enough,

but I'd rather let my actions do the talking.

know what you want before you order

Just a quick tip for those who choose things on impulse: know what you're getting yourself into before you order yourself a dish full of regret with a side of disappointment. I did this today and had to pay with something I value most in this entire world; my relationship. I hated every second I was alive until I decided to force an attempt to reconcile our differences. To be honest, I never want to make that same mistake again as long as I live. I love Michelle too much to withstand putting her through that kind of torture again. At least I got one thing out of all of this: a lesson learned.

Happy Birthday!

Today is my girlfriend's birthday and I'm just thinking about her so much. I really hope she's having a wonderful day at work, and hopefully I can make her day even better when I go and see her tonight. It's amazing how our relationship made it through the things that it did, through times of uncertainty and deceit, and no matter what happens we're always going to be there for each other. After all, that's what love is about, right?

Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day sweetheart.  

Happy Birthday!  

I love you.

unbelievably tired ... =\

I don't know what's going on but I'm soo tired ... I've never felt this tired ever since I began my change to a healthier lifestyle. Maybe because I really didn't have a good sleep last night. Fell asleep at 1, woke up before 6. I even waited for my alarm to go off just so I could quickly turn it off. Pretty intense, I know, but I couldn't get some things off my mind. So much that it's frustrating. I can no longer continue this ... I'm too tired to do so.

never felt more cheap.

On my way to school it was incredibly windy; iPod in hand, gym bag slung over my shoulder. While walking to the school from the bus stop I see a $20 bill fly right past my face. First reaction? Chase it while it was blowing in the wind. Yep, had to! At first I contemplated trying to find the person it had belonged to, but I had no clue where it came from! Also, if I were to ask someone about it, I'm sure half of them would lie and say it was theirs. Looks like I'm $20 richer (yay!). Lunch, anyone?

always happens

it's crazy how this always happens.
all she needs to do is tell me she loves me and my day is made.
I hope I have the same effect on you.

I love you

"on the inside"

eating in the library.
I feel so dangerous.

(lol)

(hair)cut

fresh line.
fresh fade.
and I'm feeling fresh.

she knows me all too well ... for the better

When your girlfriend plans a date around things you two have wished to do for a while, things that have significant meaning in the development of the relationship, and adds a ton of spice to it ... damn, you can't help but be amazed and completely grateful that she had the time to put together something so awesome amidst her busy lifestyle.

First stop: VIP Billiards. What can I say ... shooting pool with her was great, never felt so refreshing in my life. After that we went to a park that is very close to our hearts, we visited this place when we first entered post-secondary institutions and wanted a place to hang out. Sitting on a park bench, laying down in my lap, amazed that there were no clouds in sight and talking about the solar system was something out of this world. We decided we were both hungry so we left the park, picked up some books from the local library since it was a mere 5-minute walk away, and then headed over to UTSC for an early dinner. Subway was being served, yum! Ham on whole wheat fixed with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, hot peppers and honey mustard sauce = meal of champions.

Unbelievably enough, UTSC is extremely close to our hearts. The extremities of our relationship can be pointed out to locations on campus that probably have little meaning to the passerby students. A mere 2km radius from the campus can literally contain close to 70% of the happenings in the relationship. Locations of heart break, the mending of these, and everything from these to the most extravagant parts of our relationship are all connected to this campus in many ways. Going back there and spending time in the places that seemed, at the time, were the locations of a storyline headed to its demise made it feel all the more important. Much like how they were supposed to feel from the beginning; what is a relationship without its downfalls, though? Too good to be true, that's what. We had to go through those downfalls, and that's why this (relationship) never felt more real, more ... established than it ever has. And I couldn't imagine being happier with anyone else.

nostalgia

So I just got into a nostalgic mood, thinking about things from my past that I miss. In no particular order, here they are:

• playing organized basketball.
• It has been a while since I've actually played organized basketball with a competitive team. Let me get one thing straight, NYPAA2 sucked balls. I hated playing on that team. It's hard to win when four of the five guys on the floor want to be all-stars. 
• living in Scarborough
• what can I say? these were the glory days. I can sum up all of my days here in Richmond Hill and they still wouldn't have added up to a week in Scarborough...on John Tabor. Florence kids biking around and just making anything possible. I could have sworn we once had ambitions of building a go-kart ...
• the friends I left behind
• friends are a big part of my life; always have been and always will. Chilling and John, Julz, Francis, Jeff, JR (yep, him too), Jay, Mel, Criz ... and then later Camille, Paulo, Carlo, Sam ... always fun times. Well, not so much Sam since I still see her ... but she made the list anyway

This isn't without saying that my life right now is great. I'm in a good school preparing myself for a great profession, the best family anyone could ever ask for, an amazing girlfriend whom I'm very serious about and plan to be with for a very long time ... but even having everything going for you doesn't mean you forget about your past. I know I won't.

BTW, just wanted to wish my sweetheart a happy 29 month anniversary. I love you, Michelle!

the epitomy of distrust?

What do you do when it's miraculously and steadily getting harder to trust your partner? Just some things that have happened over the last 24 hours were my girlfriend emailing her ex to see how he was doing, she asked me if I think she would ever cheat on me and then proceeded to compliment me on how good of a boyfriend I am, and then proclaimed she was going to change her password for her email account. I just checked; she did. She wouldn't have changed it if she didn't have anything to hide and no matter how much she tries to reassure me, I'm just going to be feeling this way until I find out the truth. You can count on it.

the miracle of life

(gah. not this again!)
I'm in my gen ed class, titled "The Development of Human Sexuality", watching an educative movie called The Miracle of Life. I can only recall memories of watching this in the health portion of phys. ed ... and quite frankly, I don't want to be remembering what I'm picturing! Anybody who had to watch this in high school can relate to my feelings. Although it was several years ago, I'm probably mature enough to endure watching what I remember seeing. Hopefully.

when your 'truth' ends up a lie ...

So I went and checked out my livejournal account yesterday, safe to say it still exists and everything I've ever written is still there. Coming back to it after more than two years is really refreshing, I got to see how I was and what things were important to me way back when PS2's were still the "must-have" game console. I also got to see my old writing style! I really can't believe how many punctuations I used and how out of place they were! Commas galore, improper use of the semi-colon, among other writing mistakes. No wonder I didn't do well in english in high school!

Beside the fact that I had complete disdain for my writing style, I found something out about myself...something I didn't notice when I was writing the posts: I was blind. When I used to write about myself, I really only touched on things like foosball, playing the guitar, and love, well ... whatever I thought love was at the time. I remember my feelings as I was writing those entries as if it was yesterday; lust, for the most part. I was graduating high school, recently got my drivers license, had great friends and a wonderful girlfriend. I was completely blinded by the fact that there were so many good things going for me that I wasn't able to realize any truths behind the things I loved most. That high school: prepared me for college material but not the work ethic; what's a drivers license without insurance, my parents were trying to pay off debt; great friends that completely lost touch the summer after graduation; the girlfriend who liked me but deep down only took me as a rebound. Do you act like all that is in the past and it doesn't matter anymore, or do you reconstruct your future using the things you now know? Go.

Kanye and Taylor Swift ... staged or not?

Here's the breakdown: Taylor Swift wins the award for "Best Female Video". She comes up to the stage, begins her congratulatory speech then Kanye steals the microphone and the attention to give his opinion, saying that Beyonce (Knowles) has the best video ... and proceeds to leave the stage.

Some thoughts while watching this (and several times after on YouTube) are:

• what the hell was he doing up there without security chasing after him for the 30 seconds he was talking?
• taking the former into consideration, could this be a ravenous ploy for attention from the media?
• was it staged?
• lastly, what do you say after something like that?! ... "eugh, yeah. sooo ... this is awkward. kthxbai!"

Apparently he is being withheld by security after the incident, but what will happen to him or his career? Would this generate enough publicity that it could possibly benefit him in one way or another? What consequences does he deserve? I personally think his history speaks for his future.

sidelined. fml.

First week of school went as well as I expected it to ... except for the fact that my doctor says I may have a torn ligament in my knee. FML seriously. Being an athletic guy (somewhat), I feel helpless most of the time since that dreadful Wednesday when I first got the news, but I've been able to live with it. In fact, I looked at it as a way to start working out my arms and core (abdominals, obliques, etc).

Aside from school and exercise, this was my first post on blogger (yay)! This essentially will be a blog for school purposes, like trying to get programs working or something of the like, rarely will I actually post about life unless I find I really need to write my feelings out (reminds me of my livejournal days, sigh...). Anyway, I hope y'all have a wonderful day.

TJ